I was born into a Christian household, raised by loving parents, where we went to church every Sunday. 

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Yet, despite going to church, having Christian family, and wasn't too badly behaved (I hope), that didn't automatically make me a Christian. It wasn’t until I was around 15 years old that God reached into my life.

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By this point, I'd heard the whole 'Jesus' thing many times over, but never paid too much attention. I would rather have been back at home on the computer, playing a game or such and was often caught daydreaming during Sunday School.

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Around this time I found out that one of the girls at school was interested in me. She wasn’t a Christian but I felt the same way back, so it didn't take long for us to start going out. 

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As I’d been brought up in church, I was familiar with the ‘no sex before marriage’ teaching in the Bible, but my girlfriend challenged the weak understanding I had of it. Surely it wouldn’t matter that much?

I pushed aside the teaching I’d grown up with but hid this from my parents, and even carried on going to church on a Sunday. Despite all of this, I still felt a deep guilt inside.

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In the words of Agent Smith from The Matrix: "It seems that you've been living two lives... One of them has a future, one of them does not." That was me. Trying to live two lives and create some kind of illusion. Deep down, part of me was saying I needed to get out of this relationship. The other part was holding back, trying to keep the peace in both worlds. I grappled with trying do things in my own strength but that was when God stepped in.

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He opened my eyes to see that the relationship I was in just wasn’t working. One day, as I was walking my girlfriend to work, I suddenly suggested that we should spend some time apart.

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A week later, I met up with her again, having completed my DofE Gold expedition and grown the beginnings of beard. She pulled at my face, hurting me, as she wasn’t a fan of facial hair. That was the wakeup call I needed! Whilst she stormed off, I felt God telling me not to follow, but to turn around and go home. So I did, and didn’t look back. 

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From then on, my life started feeling brighter. I carried on going to church and Sunday School, and I just knew that something had changed.

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One week we were studying Philippians, and one verse struck a chord with me: "to live is Christ, to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). I learned that Paul was telling God's people that if they trusted what Jesus had done on the cross, they had no need to fear!Whilst they were still on the earth, they would live for Christ; to spread the news of His saving work for humanity, which reaches ALL lost souls.

 

But what if they die?

Again, there is no need to fear, because to die is gain. Heaven was their eternal destination.

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This stayed with me for a time, but it wasn’t until my mum insisted I go on a Christian youth camp that this truth started to sink in.

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I had to fill in a form, and did so reluctantly, but as I was applying to help out on the camp, I had to answer the question – “Why are you a Christian?”

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There it was.

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Was I a Christian?

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That night I was convicted of my sin. I looked back, and saw just how much God had helped me through with all my previous relationship troubles, and how He still sought to help me despite what I'd done.

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I asked for forgiveness, trusted Jesus, and prayed that my life would be His from then on. By His grace my life is still His to this day. I'm not perfect - no one is - but He works within me day by day, transforming me to be more of His likeness and image.

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So take heart. Whatever situation you are in, God can use it for His good. Trust Him and invite Him into your life. He will do the rest, by His great love.

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And just to confirm, I’m now happily married, to a woman who knows all about my history. She, like Christ, has forgiven my past, is willing to forgive my present and future, and is my best friend. She's even started a family with me.  Nothing is impossible when we trust God. Hallelujah!